AP Newswire – This just in, Landon Donovan creates international incident when he purposely crosses himself 50 million times before taking a penalty kick. After completing his hat trick, Donovan mimics the use of a bow and arrow and playfully “attacks” coaches and players on the Iranian bench as if he was a Crusader. Donovan ends his display with running with his arms extended, which looks like the “bomber run” done by British Players, but might be construed at creating a “cross.”

Yet another one of those things I wish I’d thought of first.

Seems our Becks was mistaken for a car thief in England. Because I know I personally have always found his looks a bit suspect.

Eyewitnesses have reported seeing police pull over a black 4×4 vehicle and talking with the former England football captain, who has a property in Sawbridgeworth, for about 15 seconds before he was allowed to drive off.

An Essex Police spokesman said: “We did a routine stop on a black 4×4 vehicle to check that the driver owned the car. Once we established this to be the case he was allowed to continue his journey.”

Aside from that, all we have is the Snoop Dog reality show, where Becks supposedly teaches soccer to Snoop’s kids. Here’s the video. And everything creative that I could have said about this has already been said by my brother-in-blog Daryl over at World Cup Blog, so stop by and read his post about this one.

I find it ironic that Yallop’s departure coincides with the advent of “sexy football”. Had Frank tried to produce “sexy football” last season, it would have looked like a Borat porn film.

Yup. That about sums it up.

And…eww.

A sample:

Given such a top-drawer pass, Glinton couldn’t help but bury the shot that followed, which takes the game to LA 2, RSL 1 with just about 5 minutes remaining.

Leaning back in my chair, I thought to myself, “Hm…wonder how they’re going to f*** this up?”

Sure enough, the Galaxy did f*** it up by giving up a still-later goal off a free-kick. It was the seeming inevitability of events that struck me. Watching the Galaxy these days is like watching a rich drunk stagger out of a restaurant with his car keys jingling in his hands and, periodically, dropping to the floor. You don’t know precisely what’s going to happen; you only know it’s not going to end well. And, sure enough, you see it on your way home: a Cadillac wrapped around a big tree on a leafy, prosperous street…perhaps there’s a man-child with a receding hairline pinned between the Caddy and the tree…and he looks an awful lot like Donovan.

And then this:

If and when someone sits down to write a history of Major League Soccer (MLS), I’m confident that the Galaxy’s 2007 season will find its way in. The air of literature, even legend, surrounds the Faustian bargain that is the David Beckham trade.

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. The ultimate summary of the Galaxy season, circa 2007.

Other great ESPN moment of the night occurred after the game. The ESPN sports ticker at the bottom of the screen at one point scrolled across “Chelsea 1 Galaxy 0 in Beckham’s debut…Beckham did not score”.

I kid you not. Classic talk down to the masses moment in broadcasting

I missed this because I rarely watch post-game anything. But somehow, after watching the dumbed down, celebrity-obsessed Galaxy-Chelsea game, I’m not surprised.

Although on second thought, I guess you do need to clarify that Beckham didn’t score for Chelsea. That thought makes me giggle. How entertaining would it be if Beckham’s first MLS goal was an own goal?

“Laurie, this has your name all over it.”

I’m not quite sure how to take that. But…um…thank you?

The link is to a fairly humorous post that pits Posh against Bianca (Mrs. Landon, pictured, because I am SO bored with Posh pictures), head to head. (And why am I hearing an announcer intoning, “And in this corner…”)

I’m not sure what they’re competing for, but in my mind Bianca wins hands down. (Although you may judge the competition by a different standard.) For the record, I’ve actually come to like Bianca. She seems so…normal. Notice how I never write anti-Bianca snark anymore? (And posting the Maxim Hot 100 link doesn’t count. I think she’d be flattered by that one.)

A couple of my favorites from the post, which you really need to stop by and check out for yourself:

Children’s names

Victoria — Brooklyn (8), Romeo (4), Cruz (2)

Bianca — Landon (25)

Reading material

Victoria – David’s tattoos.

Bianca – Landon’s contract.

Is LA big enough for the both of ‘em? We shall see.

Among these new rules:

Failing to yield to Mr. Beckham on a 50-50 ball: 1 game

Recklessly blocking a Mr. Beckham free kick or cross: 2 games.

Giving Mr. Beckham a dirty look: 2 games.

Speaking to Mr. Beckham without having been spoken to first: 3 games.

Be sure to check it out. VERY funny.

From Dan Loney:

The 3-1 loss tonight does not give new meaning to the word “pitiful.” It was, in fact, pretty much what they had in mind when they came up with the word.

That more or less covers it, doesn’t it?

Galaxy fans, you may now go back to your Monday.

Today’s “I Wish I’d Written That” award goes to Who Ate All the Cupcakes. Their post is a must-read for all who are concerned about the excessive…um… ambassadorship expected from our Galaxy guys. You’ll laugh. I guarantee it, or I’ll give you my dog. Who’s fourteen, blind, deaf and occasionally incontinent.

So, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll laugh.

Thanks to Bob for the link.

Well, no. That’s not quite right. It happens pretty frequently. Because I have interesting readers and commenters. But there are only so many commenters who I will subject to this further, intense level of scrutiny.

So it is with our own Real Salt Lake Offside blogger Ian’s comment on my Posh meets Scientology post:

I love scientology. It’s the only religion I have no scruples about making fun of, and so it sort of takes the pressure off all of the silly aspects of some of the others, because in the case of all the others, I have this voice in my head that tells me I should respect other people’s beliefs. When those beliefs revolve around millenia-old traditions and the basic idea that people should be nice to each other, fine, I’m there. But when there are spaceships and crazy fake machines that tell you how evolved you are, nuh uh. That’s just crazy. Has anyone here ever met a scientologist? Are any normal people scientologists? If they weren’t all celebrities obsessed with their hair staying perfect, these people would be walking around wearing aluminum foil hats to block the alien’s mind rays.

Be afraid, Becks, be very afraid.

Giggle. But of course there’s that part of me that, as with my brother-in-blog Ian, “tells me I should respect other people’s beliefs.” And that I really shouldn’t post this. But… NAH!!

As I said: Damn. I wish I’d written that.