Let’s Create A Vicious Galaxy Rivalry

By: Laurie | March 27th, 2007

I’m again going to steal shamelessly from my fellow Galaxy blogger Christian at Galaxyhopping. And I don’t feel guilty about it either. Because Christian? When you don’t update your blog for over a month, it’s kind of like you’re officially giving permission to us blogging scavengers to come in and pick all the remaining meat off of your blog’s bones. Not that I’m, y’know, upset at you for failing to keep me entertained or anything.

But anyhow. Christian writes that what boring, plain-vanilla America soccer really needs are good rivalries. Rivalries that will be born into our children’s blood, and our children’s children’s. Rivalries that make our stomachs clench and raise our blood pressure. Rivalries that will make us spit when we say an opposing player’s name. Completely involuntarily. Rivalries like they have in England.

And I completely agree with him. Nothing spurs interest like a good rivalry.

But who does he pick for our Galaxy? The Colorado Rapids. You see, it’s logical for him. Because he’s a Tottenham Hotspur fan, and Tottenham has a natural rivalry with Arsenal, and Arsenal is now associated with the Colorado Rapids… Which makes sense. For him. But for me? Not so fast. I’m having a really hard time getting worked up over the Rapids for a lot of reasons.

First off… Well, honestly? How can you really hate a team whose name abbreviates to “Crapids”? Truly. (Clint, I know I promised never to use that word again, but…well… I lied. It just rolls so easily off the tongue.)

And plus? I’m originally from Colorado. It is the land of my birth. The land of my people. I grew up downwind from Rocky Flats nuclear plant, and because of this my family has saved a bundle in nightlight costs over the years. And that’s worth something to me. Plus what area in the universe could spawn characters as diverse as John Denver, JonBenet Ramsey and the Rev. Ted Haggard? It is a special place. I cannot hate it.

And what’s more? Well, let’s not beat around the bush here. The Rapids play at The Dick. (Aka Dick’s Sporting Goods Park.) Imagine how conversations will go for these players from now on: “I’m playing at The Dick.” And: “There’s a Sunday game at The Dick.” And: “See you at The DIck!” And: “Honey, can you pick up my drycleaning on your way to The Dick?” You see how it will go? When you think of how it will affect them after awhile… Well, how can you muster up anything but sympathy?

And last? Well, what can I say? I kind of like Arsenal. Several of my French guys play there, including Thierry “melon énorme” Henry and William “I’ll score an own goal” Gallas. Not to mention manager Arsene Wenger. And while I may personally sometimes find their personalities and behaviors distasteful? Well, it’s like a sibling thing. It’s okay for me, but not for you. So hands off my French Gunners.

But if I can’t hate Arsenal, then where does that leave us? Who can we hate instead? Chivas USA, our cross-town rivals? Not for me. They’ve got my other French guy, Laurent Merlin there.

Columbus Crew? DC United? Houston Dynamo? Okay, but why?

Hey, I know! Maybe Christian’s on to something with his England thing. We just need to pick a different team! How about we hate the team owned by a rich billionaire who’s ruining the game by throwing exhorbitant sums of money at players, trying to buy his place at the top of the standings! Yes! I’ve got it! Let’s hate Chelsea!

And the US team associated with Chelsea would be…?

Oh, wait. Never mind.

Some Related Galaxy Posts:

Category: Just for Fun

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Kenny

"At least we avenged our ‘01 Cup loss to the Quakes by eliminating them on route to the Double in ‘05."

Ah, yes, I loved that series, it was soooo sweet.
Michah, I also have been the following the Galaxy since '96 - ah, my high school days.

For some reason I don't feel the hate that I feel for DC, as I do for the Sh!tvas. Maybe it is because our rivalry with them has subsided somewhat over time. In any case, I would love nothing more than to meet DC in the final and kick the crap out of them this season.
Micah

We don't need to create any rivalries. I've been rooting for the Galaxy since '96 and proudly wear that ugly inaugural jersey because they keep altering the kit every other year. There is one team that matters most to me to beat and especially in a Cup Final- D.C. We have yet to answer back for the losses in '96 and '99.

At least we avenged our '01 Cup loss to the Quakes by eliminating them on route to the Double in '05. Once the Quakes return, they will absolutely be just as fierce a rival (do not underestimate Bay Area vs. L.A. hatred). While the Dynamo is a relocated Quakes franchise, I don't care about them now that they are in Texas.

Since we are lacking any other competition in California, Chivas will do for now. All derbies are passionate, and this one is no different, but Chivas USA doesn't have enough history to call Galaxy-Chivas games "SuperClassicos". If they actually start making some seriuos runs in the playoffs or the Open Cup, then they might become a true rival. But does anybody actually consider Man City one of Man U.'s rivals? A derby is one thing but Man U. is in another strata then the Citizens, playing in the Champions League and contending for the FA Cup and Premiership perennially. If Chivas wants to be a rival then they have to meet us in games that matter.

Beyond that, there are few other teams that I would term as rivals. As a fan, I expect our team to be competitive year in and year out, so whomever are in contention (espcially those from the Western Conference) could turn into rivalries with just a few ugly games in a short time.
Diane

Abramovich, Mrs, REALLY knows how to stoke a rivalry, buying the opposing team with her divorce settlement? HILARIOUS. I rarely blame players, in any sport, for their marching orders (except when they take going for blood literally and start maiming the opposing team of course) and I could almost stomache Mourinho's arrogance--it is quite the show isn't it?--if he did only the things he does right. I LOVE the fact that your Makelele went on to rock there after when the ever-clueless and corrupt Madrid management cast him to the wayside.

Rats, I'm TRYING to focus on MLS and not whether creation of the Premiership has harkened the downfall of Western Civilization, or on the fascinatingly dramatic implosion of various rotting club organizations around the world.

But all that does relate to the MLS topic at hand. Maybe its not just the lack of birthright rivalries provided by a young league, but also the lack of messy and convoluted history, that limits the off-the-pitch fascination factor. Ah youth...but I'm sure all that will come in time!
Laurie

Darth Laurie. I love it!

David, no hard feelings. I've actually found the commentary kind of humorous and interesting. As I was saying to Tom on the Chicago Fire blog: I never should have said that Europeans do rivalries better, even in jest. Because, dammit, everybody knows that Americans hate best!!

And welcome to The Offside. It's kind of a fun blogging fraternity.

Diane, I do agree with you about Chelsea. Except that two of my French guys play there, and Mourinho kind of fascinates me. But Abramovich is evil incarnate. (As a fellow recoving Eurosnob, you'll appreciate this: I read a rumor that his estranged wife is considering buying Arsenal with her divorce settlement.)
Diane

Dear Effective Laurie, I'm not sure whether you guys think this is a good or bad thing for the future of football/soccer in America, but your humor has kept ME interested in both the Galaxy and MLS for almost SIX WEEKS now! And I have been demoralized for YEARS thinking that I would never be able to love my home league, and that I would spend my life deciding whether I should spend the money to fly somewhere very far away and then scalp tickets to watch my Club play:(. You will understand this having survived your French connection so far. Now I have hope!
(Although I can't bring myself to despise Chivas...I like their spirit and style too much. Has there ever been talk of a peace proposal?)
David

You do have it right that the Gals will be the most hated team, but the dark side has loads of goodies......and who can deny goodies...

Keep up the good work!!
Kenny

Laurie + love of Sh!tvas = Darth Laurie! Step away from the dark side, please!!!!!!!

And you are right, we will be the most hated team this year.

Oh, and thanks for the nip pics!!!!
I meant to respond to that post, but didn't get around to it.
David

Laurie,

I see what you were saying. I just kind of found it funny (more of the context of what had been going on and where it was coming from) what you were talking about and as such, responded to it in my blog. I hope there is no bad blood, and in fact I have started a blog here on the offside for ChivasUSA.... http://chivas.theoffside.com/...

Actually, I was wondering if maybe you would like to do some type of co-op thing, being that you are a Galaxy blogger and me being a Chivas blogger. We could really do something interesting.

Sorry if you took it the wrong way in my post.

David.
Ian

I can't say I'll thank you for the Posh pics. She used to be mildly attractive - now she looks like Skeletor and Calista Flockhart had a baby. Girl needs to eat.
Laurie

Kenny, thanks for the primer on How to Hate Like a Galaxy Fan. Much appreciated! :-) Now we need to expand these rivalries beyond hardcore fans to the universe at large, like in American football. (But I'm afraid I won't be able to hate Chivas USA as long as Laurent Merlin is playing for them. As soon as he's cut, though? I'm SO there.)

The interesting thing about this year is that by bringing in Beckham we are making the Galaxy a target team to be hated by everybody else. Which should make life interesting. And again, I think this is a good thing in the long run.

Oh, btw? No word about the Posh pics? See if I ever do anything for you again.
Laurie

Oh, "Hey," for what it's worth, I AM brand new to learning to love MLS and the Galaxy. (As is Christian.) I've never tried to hide that fact. I have a torrid ongoing love affair with French soccer, (once I saw Zidane play, it was all over) but I decided this year that it was time to expand my loyalties and move some of my love of the game to this continent. So, again, this is me, learning to love MLS. And reflecting on the differences in things like rivalries between MLS and other places. And putting some (apparently ineffective) humorous thought into how we can expand the passion beyond a few hard-core supporters. No offense intended.
Diane

p.s. We're doomed if we base team-loathing on English club affiliations (see above, I would have to hate the Galaxy). For new fans, I'm sure as soon as we see for ourselves who thirsts for whom's blood on the pitch--we'll get happily on the bandwagon!
Diane

Chelsea. Laurie had the critical serious nugget in there, along with the indispensable humor-lifeline needed to pull the rest of the universe into MLS long enough for it to fascinate us after years of watching a different kind of football or -- as in the case of many people this big P.R. blitz is directed at -- none at all.

Back to Chelsea/Galaxy. I know the partnership brings visibility and resources to the Galaxy, which makes it a good idea. But it is something I will really have to set aside in order to hang in here. And not just because my Premiership club are arch rivals. Chelsea represent things on and off the field that have had an ugly effect on English football. I don't think these things will cross the Atlantic because to our great fortune MLS has a great head start league-wise in not being the FA. Meaning that U.S. clubs don't face the same particular pressures, or work within the same comical league financial structures, that influenced and allowed Chelsea's style of management, coaching, player acquisition and play. While other clubs have not responded in exactly the same way, Chelsea is in the forefront of negative trends that make many of us unhappy.
Kenny

Laurie, we do have rivalries. It's like hey said. DC, San Jo, and Sh!tvas are our biggest rivals. DC was the first after they handed us our first bitter defeat in MLS Cup '96 and then again in '98?(I can't recall at them moment).

Then as the Smurfs (San Jo) became a better team, they became our primary rivals, since we were in the same conference, battaling for the right to go to MLS Cup or playing them in the MLS Cup (and losing). Now they are gone, so that rivalry is over, at least for now.

Now there are the Sh!tvas who came along and decided that we should share our stadium with them, after only having it for, what, two years. They came here with arrogance and talked smack about how they are going to show us how soccer is played and how LA is there city. We were here first! So we slapped them around like the ho's they be! But now they are gotten better, and actually beat us, once. So for now, and I beleive, untill they fold, Sh!tvas is and will remain our most hated rival, even after the Smurfs come back.
Kenny

"When you don’t update your blog for over a month, it’s kind of like you’re officially giving permission to us blogging scavengers to come in and pick all the remaining meat off of your blog’s bones."

Nice! I have noticed that he hasn't updated in a while as well.

"Chivas USA, our cross-town rivals? Not for me."

What?! How dare you call yourself a Galaxy fan! For shame, Laurie, for shame.
Laurie

I'm not a novice in the land of rivalries. I grew up in Denver and therefore I hate the Raiders. Seriously, I just Wikipedia'd them, and seeing their logo literally made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. It's that visceral.

I guess if there was a serious point to this post, it's that the world according to MLS (up to this point) has made rivalries almost a moot point. So...well...why not create your own?

I think there are several reasons for the fact that rivalries haven't really taken hold in MLS up to this point. Yes, part of it is the young age of the league, but there's more to it. There's the overlapping of ownership, for one thing. If you're a Galaxy fan, hating the Fire is like hating your cousin.

And then there's the salary cap that holds everybody to the same level. One big driver of rivalries is a sense of unfairness -- a feeling that another team is manipulating the system to get an unfair advantage. (Like...say...Roman Abramovich and Chelsea? Who outside of Chelsea hasn't had a laugh over the fact that Ballack and Shevchenko are having a hard time of it this year?) Before we had the DP system, this kind of thing couldn't really happen because there really wasn't such a thing as "unfair advantage" in MLS.

And finally, in MLS there seems to have been (at least up to this point) an almost desperate need to try to avoid the excesses of NASL and keep the playing field level at all costs. Which leads to stability, but it also leads to a lack of conflict and rivalries, (or at least to their toning down,) which leads to...well...boredom.

Personally? I think the Designated Player system is going to be the best thing that ever happened to MLS for reasons that have nothing to do with Beckham. I think it will aid in the creation of real, actual, genuine rivalries. Which will lead to real, actual, genuine excitement.

But until that happens? I still think we should create our own.
Ian

I think its not so much like love, but like a good solid life-long hatred. Rivalries are signs of the deep history of the game. You remember when you were a kid and Spurs always beat you, and so you grow up hating them, and then, when its their turn to suck, you're there to kick them when they're down. There's a great book just out on this called "To Hate Like This Is To Be Happy Forever" about the Duke-UNC basketball rivalry.
Laurie

Yeesh, guys, it's HUMOR, okay?!?

Although now you've made me curious. Why CAN'T we just pick rivalries? Seriously. Why can't we just say, "Now I'm going to hate DC United," and then we work at making it happen? Kind of like an arranged marriage. Which, while utterly unAmerican, does often actually work.

Or must it be like love, where we just have to wait for the arrow to strike? What do you think?
Ian

I agree - you can't pick your rival anymore than you can pick your nickname. By the way, the Crapids ... GOLD. That's what I get to call them now as soon as they anger me in any way (I'm pretty neutral on them for the most part, but its good to have one in the back pocket ready for them). As long as the league can survive for a while longer, rivalries will take care of themselves. Hell, I think the Portland-Seattle rivalry in League 1 is probably better than any of them in MLS.
hey

Rivalries aren't picked. They are borne out of stuff that happens on and off the field. Picking a rivalry? That is about as mickey mouse and plastic as you can get.

For gods sakes both of you must be new to the league or new fans of the Galaxy. Because if not you'd know that LA Galaxy already has two heated rivalries. One with Chivas USA and the other with DC United. I'd add the one with the San Jose Earthquakes (LA Galaxy's most hated rival) when they come back as being #1.

All this blog proves is that LA Galaxy has a bunch of plastic fans who know nothing of their club's short history.

VAMOS UNITED