More Than You Ever Wanted to Know About David Beckham’s Sperm

By: Laurie | March 19th, 2007

This is the type of post that I will absolutely hate myself for writing. The type of post that makes me want to go take a shower when I’m done. The type of post that — like a car crash, a trainwreck, the Hindenburg explosion — I just can’t turn away from, no matter how hard I try.

Because this post is all about David Beckham’s sperm.

(Are you wincing? Are you cringing? I’m wincing and cringing. Okay, so I’m typing. But I’m also simultaneously wincing and cringing.)

Seems Victoria Beckham has changed David’d diet. The reason? David’s guys are a little too good at making boy babies. (They’ve got three.) Victoria wants a girl baby.

“The ex-Spice Girl is determined to have a baby girl following her three boys, and has been told putting Becks on a “daughter diet” rich in alkaline food could do the trick. ‘So Posh Spice is now keeping a strict eye over David’s meals, ensuring he has lots of vegetables and salads, as well as red meat.’ ”

And if that doesn’t work? (Brace yourself. This is icky.) “Victoria’s got an intriguing back-up plan – an ethnic fertility tattoo. The source adds, ‘Victoria said she is going to get a fertility sign in an intimate place, for David’s eyes only.’ ”

Altogether now! EWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

Oh, one last thing? I don’t think the little guys in the photo are actually Beckham’s. But of course I could be wrong.

Oh, and? What do you want to bet we’re seeing photos of Victoria’s tattoo in the British tabloids within the month?

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Miss V

Laurie, i am in your debt for this post... wow... you took it there, girl.

hee
Diane

LAURIE, pull yourself together!!! David Beckham's sperm are ALL we want to talk about (where is Kickette when you need her). I mean look at what happened after your last article of substance, I was forced to write the War and Peace of blog comments--and it was only about SHIRTS. Sperm are just SO uncontroversial. You can get an exact count of them, if you had some and were a lab technician with a microscope, so there would be no arguing the stats. He's the only one who REALLY knows where they are at any given time, so too bad for the paparazzi. He's also the only one who can sell any so that takes the whole who controls the Brand question off the table. And as far as one can tell they don't require clothing, so we are spared the fashion critique. You must admit they are a refreshing new focal point.
The only thing that troubled me about your article was that “alkaline foods” sound so scary, are they real?
uneditedmara

Awwwh! I'm sure the little baby girl will be just as pretty as her daddy.
Connor

Brilliant article Laurie. You took one for the team by posting this.