Tom Cruise Set to Buy Galaxy?!?

By: Laurie | June 21st, 2007

I read it in a British tabloid, so it must be true, right? (And how many posts have I started this way? Do I have journalistic credibility or what?)

Actually, thanks to Martha, I read it in a Google translation of an Italian article based on a British tabloid. Which is FAR more interesting and includes quotes like, “While the transactions of the moglie of the English centrocampista do not go to swollen sails…”

(Yes, I DO live an exciting life! Admit it. You would absolutely DIE to be the first to report on those swollen sails.)

But anyhoo. Back to the rumor. Seems Tom Cruise is going to buy the Galaxy. I’m totally serious.

FOOTBALL-mad Tom Cruise is launching a £40million bid to take over pal David Beckham’s new team LA Galaxy. Tom, 44, has indicated that he is keen to plough the cash into the up-and-coming squad, with the promise of more to come.

LA Galaxy broke the bank to land Becks, 32, on a reputed £128m five-year deal, so money is tight. A source revealed: “To have Tom’s backing would be amazing – there’s no way Galaxy bosses would turn down that opportunity.”

Because yeah. Current billionaire owner Phil Anschutz? Short on cash. I’m sure of it.

Although the thought of Alexi and Frank and the gang answering to Tom Cruise? I’m alternating between giggles and shudders.

Galaxy guys? You might want to brush up on your L. Ron Hubbard. Just in case.

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Comments  

• Smellrat |  June 21st, 2007 at 8:54 am

  
  
  

  I think you’re stealing my material. Or, well, maybe life is stealing my material again. (As when my soccer news blog successfully predicted Zidane’s mental breakdown in the world cup.) I dunno . . . it’s getting impossible to make up shit weirder than life. Oh well. Anyway the offside rocks.

  Posted from United States

  

• Smellrat |  June 21st, 2007 at 8:58 am

  
  
  

  See, just so you know I’m telling the truth, the above link to the satirical article I wrote saying Cruise was buying th e Galaxy in order to lure children into scientology and he was changing the team’s name from the Galaxy to the Thetans.

  What if everything I write comes true?

  Posted from United States

  

• Martha |  June 21st, 2007 at 10:06 am

  
  
  

  WHY can google translate not handle “moglie?” I’m a moron, and even I know it means “wife.”

  And this rumor both makes me sick and a little sad. Tom Cruise is getting more and more pathetic — and this is way more repellent and depressing than his presence at the Bernabeu last weekend. WAY more.

  Posted from Portugal

  

• Alan |  June 21st, 2007 at 10:09 am

  
  
  

  Smellrat, please write that Toronto FC will win the MLS Cup. Thanks!

  Posted from United States

  

• Jeff Bull |  June 21st, 2007 at 10:37 am

  
  
  

  ‘Scuse my french, but fuck me. Like I need another reason to hate the Galaxy.

  Posted from United States

  

• diane |  June 21st, 2007 at 12:23 pm

  
  
  

  “Repellent and depressing”–I’ve been trying to find something other than creepy to describe Tom trying so hard to irritate me during a match that was already coming close to causing me heart failure. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE say it isn’t so…and Laurie how could we have noticed something as innocuous as blood sausage when we were trying to pick around the endless reports about tomandkatie in order to get to the assorted football reports, as well as every single detail regarding team and fan celebrations throughout the night. A long night, but worth it, and once again, thank GAWD for Spanish sports columnists!
  SHIT, that almost sidetracked me from the news. Please make it go away. I may disconnect the internet and turn off the TV until it’s over (either the rumor, or the duration of Mr. Cruise’s interest…I think I heard he has ADD, there’s hope).

  Posted from United States

  

• diane |  June 21st, 2007 at 12:39 pm

  
  
  

  (Pssst, I think I’ve been banned from Bob’s comments, I can’t REALLY be the craziest person who writes to him can I? And think of how much help I provided during the penis crisis!)

  I guess this wouldn’t be the best time to suggest you post an article about restraining orders–something you are forced to mention quite frequently on this blog–just in case someone’s attentions are not QUITE as welcome as he might think…you never know…

  Posted from United States

  

• diane |  June 21st, 2007 at 12:41 pm

  
  
  

  OK I MEANT CRUISE NOT AS WELCOME BY THE BECKHAMS AS HE THINKS! DO I HAVE TO SPELL EVERYTHING OUT!? Probably would help I guess.

  Posted from United States

  

• Jay |  June 26th, 2007 at 2:37 pm

  
  
  

  HA! Ultra-Christian Anschutz selling to Scientologist Cruise… that’ll be the day.

  Posted from United States

  

• Laurie |  June 26th, 2007 at 4:17 pm

  
  
  

  Jay, I hadn’t considered that aspect! You are so right!

  (Not that I thought this had any chance of happening anyway.)

  Posted from United States

  

• IKNOW |  June 26th, 2007 at 6:07 pm

  
  
  

  do not delude yourselves – it is true – I KNOW

  Posted from United States

  

• IKNOW |  June 26th, 2007 at 6:08 pm

  
  
  

  Diane – you have it pinned!

  Posted from United States

  

• Diane |  June 27th, 2007 at 9:51 am

  
  
  

  IKNOW — tell all, which parts do you know, in other words, who’s stalking whom?

  And, btw, is Adidas trying to sell its new interest in American football gear or American soccer gear? You need a blood soaked rag and a pack of hounds to follow with these marketing people…

  Thanks, D

  Posted from United States

  

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