Relax, Galaxy! Of Course We’ll Win It All! We Have the MIDAS Touch!

Okay, so yeah, we’re 1-2-1 and really, really close to the bottom of the Conference. Okay, so yeah, even Toronto (TORONTO?!?) has more wins than we do. And okay, so Donovan is inconsistent and will probably be missing for a lot of the summer, and our defense, particularly of crosses and set pieces, kind of sucks, and Beckham won’t be here for two more months.

Are we worried? Of course not! We have the Midas touch!

Psychic Dean “Midas” Maynard has thrown his support behind the Galaxy. Yes, that’s the Dean “Midas” Maynard who brought the World Series to the Chicago White Sox in 2005. The Dean “Midas” Maynard who got Reading promoted to the Premier League. The Dean “Midas” Maynard who… Well, you get the picture. And now he has thrown his support behind the Galaxy. His motto?

“Whether you believe or not, if you were offered the Midas touch, would you turn it down?”

I say no. Let’s not look this gift horse in the mouth in a year when it looks like we’re going to need all the help we can get. So I asked Dean to answer some questions for the enllightenment of Galaxy fans everywhere.

Q: Okay. First and most important. Where the hell were you last Saturday when we needed you? Not that I’m pointing fingers or anything, but, y’know…

Yes, Saturday did not go to plan ( sorry la fans ) but you have to remain
positive in these situations, keep positive and La Galaxy will win some
silverware this season.

Q. Seriously, though.. 1-2-1 for the first four league games. That’s not looking so hot. Yes, the season is young. But can we really count on you to come through for us?

Of course, I have been involved for the past 4 games and it’s 3 wins 1 loss.
My record with other clubs to date does take some beating and I am still
very confident this case will work out as well.

Q. So on those days when Landon forgets to show up, you can make up the difference, right?

Well i have played a good level of soccer, so if the coaching team need some
extra grit then feel free to pass on my details to them…. No, seriously I
will do my best for Galaxy in every game.

Q. What everybody wants to know: Did you pick the Galaxy, or did the Galaxy pick you? Do you make the choice yourself about the teams to back, or do you wait till you get some kind of vibe from a team? And what kind of vibe is it, exactly? Do your toenails buzz? Radio signals through your fillings? How do you KNOW? And if it’s you who makes the choice… Well, my Seattle Mariners could use a bit of a boost this season. What do you say?

I picked Galaxy, the club have never officially come out and backed me but
most of my cases tend to be fan based anyway. I visited the area around 4
years ago and loved it. I must admit Mr Beckham has helped my decision ( see
below ) but I got good vibes from Los Angeles. And you never know, if Galaxy
win the league they may buy me a pad so I can come and live in the area and
support them full time. Well, one can dream can’t they?
As for Seattle, I am always looking for new cases, especially as the English
soccer season is now finished, so if they want to give me a shout they know
where I am…..

Q. And the question everybody is wondering about: Why the Galaxy? (Or: Admit it. This is all about your ferocious man-crush on David Beckham, isn’t it? It’s okay to tell us, Dean. We’re all friends here. Me, personally, I’ll cheerfully admit that I have a HUGE man-crush on Zinedine Zidane. I mean…um…wait a second…)

Plain and simple, I love David Beckham ( not like that, Mrs Maynard ) he is a
legend and one of the best footballers of my generation. He is also an
outstanding role model for any young footballer. I am also backing the Bring
Back Beckham campaign here in England, http://www.bringbackbeckham.com

Q. And now, for those left-brained fans among us: Scientifically, on a sub-atomic, quantum physics-based level, how does this work, exactly?

Its all to do with the power of the mind ( i can already hear the groans. )
It takes alot of hard work,commitment and sacrifice to do this kind of work,
your mind needs to be clear, relaxed and tuned in, I do a lot of meditation
and visualisation exercises, but as I have already said: however much your
back is against the wall, you must always remember: stay positive, be
optimistic, believe in yourself and have faith.

And there you have it, folks. So fear not. We have Midas on our side.

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Category: Just for Fun, Team News